When I think back to the most challenging moments I’ve experienced with pupils in Years 5 and 6, one thing stands out:
Calm wins. Every time.

That doesn’t mean we never set boundaries or have difficult conversations; it means we lead with connection first, problem-solving second. In Upper Key Stage 2, children are navigating a tricky mix of independence, social dynamics, and the looming transition to secondary school. Emotional regulation is a skill they’re still building, and we can help them get there.

Here’s how I support pupils to get back to calm – and how you can too.

Why Upper Key Stage 2 Matters

Year 5 and 6 pupils are often testing boundaries, finding their voice, and learning to manage more complex social situations. They’re also dealing with “big feelings” about friendships, schoolwork, and change.

This is exactly the time to teach:

  • Emotional literacy – naming and recognising feelings
  • Self-regulation skills – knowing what helps when we’re dysregulated
  • Repair and restoration – fixing relationships when harm is done

Start with Co-Regulation

Co-regulation is the bridge between adult-led calming and a child’s independent self-regulation. It’s being the calm when they can’t find it themselves.

That might mean:

  • Using a soft, steady voice
  • Sitting nearby without demanding eye contact
  • Offering choices instead of commands
  • Modelling the breathing or grounding strategies you want them to try

Try this:

“I’m here with you. You’re safe.”
“Would you like to sit in the calm corner or take a walk with me?”
“Let’s take a breath together.”

The message is always: You’re not in trouble for having feelings. I’m here to help you handle them.

Why a Solution-Focused Approach Works

Instead of “What’s wrong?” we ask, “What’s working?”
This subtle shift moves conversations away from blame and towards possibility. It helps pupils focus on what they can do, and reminds them they’ve already got strengths to draw on.

Instead of:
“He’s always disruptive.”
Try:
“He’s finding it hard to stay focused right now.”

It’s amazing how much tone and language can shape the path a conversation takes.

Restorative Practice: Moving Beyond “Sorry”

In many schools, an apology can be rushed or rote. Restorative practice takes it deeper:

  • Understanding the impact – who was affected and how?
  • Accountability – what can I do to make this right?
  • Repair – an action, gesture, or change that restores trust

Restorative questions to try:

  1. What happened?
  2. How did it affect you and others?
  3. What do you need now?
  4. What can we try next time?

Three Phases of Calm

The right strategy depends on when you step in:

1. Before the Flashpoint

  • Set up calm corners with soft seating, visuals, and sensory tools
  • Use “Keep/Start/Stop” reflections for routines
  • Offer small check-ins throughout the day

2. In the Moment

  • Lower to the child’s eye level
  • Use short, calm scripts
  • Give them choices that promote safety and dignity

3. After the Event

  • Use a solution-focused script to unpack what happened
  • Invite pupils to use drawing, scaling, or metaphors (“It felt like a thunderstorm”)
  • Keep it private – no public shaming

Putting Pupil Voice at the Centre

When children help create their own regulation plans, they’re more likely to use them.
Some tools I love:

  • My Calm Plan – a personal menu of strategies
  • I messages – “I felt ___ when ___ because ___”
  • Who’s On My Bus? – a visual map of trusted adults and friends

These tools turn “being told what to do” into “knowing what works for me”.

Final Thoughts

Getting back to calm isn’t about ignoring behaviour — it’s about teaching the skills and providing the support pupils need to manage it.
It’s about being the safe, steady presence they can trust to help them through the storm.

Start small:

  • Pick one calming script to try this week
  • Create a visual calm plan with a pupil who needs extra support
  • Replace one “What’s wrong?” with “What’s working?”

The difference can be remarkable.

I’d love to hear from you – What’s your go-to co-regulation strategy in the classroom? Share your thoughts in the comments below or tag me on social media.

Free download: [Getting Back to Calm – Printable Scripts & Tools]

Getting Back to Calm GuideDownload